Posts Tagged ‘struggling’

I look at my hands

like they are digital

and bright

with messages and ads

on them.


I don’t feel capable

of nurturing you.

I stare at screens

too much

to pay attention to you.


I can’t have free time

when I feel guilty

being mindless.


I remember you

but I forget how to

handle you.

I care about you

and don’t care about you

until it is over.

Then you become

something else.



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Inside My Dream

My story–

my novel

is resting in

the stitches

of my mind–

it plays inside

of me,

rolls down my skin

like rain,

sinking into my pores.

My book,

my young adult



is spreading apart,

stretching in my joints,

my bones,

cracking in pockets

of air.

My dream

is naked,


but only on the


It is developed

inside me like a child

with its whole life

spelled out on his palms.

I know what happens

because I have control.

But once I let go

and try to find the words

I could lose it all.

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The struggle

People say you have to

feel an impulse to write–

it comes bursting out of you,

its something you

have to do. But

I am not so sure it’s like

that for me

to be completely honest.

There is no glowing light

inside of me,

or guiding me,

and I don’t feel like I will die

if I don’t write something

for a day,

or maybe even a week.

I store thoughts and ideas

in my mind.

I don’t always write them


I often think as though

I’m narrating my life

and imagine

what it would be like

to finally write the novel

I’ve been trying to start

for years.

But does this mean that

I don’t have what it takes?

Or that it doesn’t come

naturally to me?

Charles Bukowski says to

not write

if you feel like it is a

struggle to write.

Don’t do it.

But I can’t not write.

And that must count for something.



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